Relationships Have To Be Worked Everyday.

What makes a  relationship work?  Communication is the foundation of healthy relationship.
Most Black people go into relationship without serious reflexions... 
Relationship doesn't work like that. Relationship is like our jobs, we have to work on it everyday. 

Black men stop your ego of "I am the man". Black woman learn to communicate in a peaceful term.
It's time to be complementary. We cannot advance with the same mentality.

"Choosing the Right Partner for a Lasting Relationship"
When it's the question of choosing your life partner, you should make the proper decision. Whether or not your partner is right for you is undoubtedly is one of the most important decisions of your life, since your entire future depends on this.
Sometimes you are just confused as to whether you really love the person you are dating or it is mere attraction, and it is difficult to make a decision. You don't know how you can be sure that you have picked the right one?

Well, the first thing you need to do is honestly ask yourself why you love or are in love with your partner? You must understand your heart and what it says. Does your heart beat for your partner? Do you feel totally devastated when he is not around? You should know the difference between love and infatuation.

When it is spending your whole life with a person; do not go in for a blind love. Don't build a relationship upon fear, insecurity and pity. It will never last and will only give unhappiness and sorrow. Remember that if there are too many ifs and buts in a relationship, then sooner or later the relationship is bound to fail.

So the question still remains, how do you choose the right partner? Well the following are a few tips that will definitely help you understand love and help you make the important decision as to choosing the right partner.

Common Interests :
For a compatible relationship the couple should have common interests. You must have something in common with your partner in order to be able to be with him and do things together. Physically you might have great relations, but how far will that get you?

When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other person in order to live a happy life, or you end up living completely separate lives. Therefore to avoid any future complications and creating ego problems it is better to always analyze your interests and desire and see whether they match.

Ambitions :
It is also necessary to preserve your individuality and make it clear that you too have a life and ambition. Women find  out your partner views, does he think that women are supposed to stay at home and take care of children and his needs. But if you are an ambitious kind of a person then always find out whether your partner is comfortable with it, and is willing to support your choice too have that career you have always wanted.

Intellect :
The next thing that you have to look out for is whether your partner and your intellect match. It is very difficult to communicate with a dull or insensitive person. Ask these questions to yourself. When you talk to him, is he on the same level as you? How long does it take him to answer your question?

Do you get bored because he answers everything else under the sun rather than the question you asked him? Does he understand you when you speak? Can you really talk to him about absolutely anything? This may sound crazy but imagine living your entire life with someone who doesn't understand you and who frustrates you to no end by his speed of communication and just doesn't get it when you are trying to explain something to him?

Principles:
If you are a person who goes by principles and strictly follows them and your partner has no principles then there is bound to be problems in your relationship. You have to straighten it out before plunging into marriage."

CALLING ON BLACK MEN & WOMEN!

Every race, culture and ethnicity has encountered significant struggles in the progression of their people. Where most ethnicities have managed to flourish despite the disadvantages common to minority groups; collectively Blacks have not been able to accomplish the same. Somewhere along the way, our voices were silenced and our vitality was diffused in the process of attempting to obtain our piece

 of the American apple pie. In retrospect, we can follow the trail of Black people undertakings and observe how our mission for transcendence became muted and less urgent as each hardship and hindrance to success was surmounted. Seldom is it ever disputed that our momentum as a race has subsided since the days of the Civil Rights Movement. A select few may debate whether or not we are still contenders in this cultural campaign we set out to win almost a half century ago. The general consensus is that the days of transformational Black leadership have been left behind to smolder in the ashes of the revolution. Silence has replaced the utter cries of "Black Power!" heard amongst those gathered at Black Panther rallies or "We Shall Overcome" civil rights marches in Alabama and the state of Mississippi. The selfless "by any means necessary" valor that once ignited our passion to unite and conquer -- or at least "take back what the devil stole" -- of the 60s and 70s has seemingly been eradicated by egotistic attempts to acquire a portion of the American "dream." While abandoning and sometimes disowning our fellow brothers or sisters while undertaking selfish ambitions, we've failed to recognize that the formula for prosperity also includes the gallant deed of "paying it forward." I do not watch reality TV shows, or certain news channels in an attempt to shun the anti-intellectualism and misrepresented barbarism of our people displayed on these shows everyday. Why? Because it angers me that as time progresses, we seem to regress -- at least according to the media. Nevertheless, I can no longer stand up and speak against the media portrayal of our people, being that I can potentially walk the streets of the inner city and encounter those same thugs, and welfare recipients who remain content in living off the system. I find myself asking questions like: At what point will we break free from the clutches of stereotypical perceptions and realize that we keep ourselves imprisoned by remaining targets of ridicule? When will we conduct some deep soul searching and emerge as beings that look nothing like the images portrayed on television screens? When we will make liars out of mainstream media? Where are the positive Black figures that can inspire young sons and daughters to be educated, powerful and influential iconoclasts like President Obama and Oprah Winfrey? The courage that once drove Martin Luther King Jr., Maya Angelou, Angela Davis, Andrew Young, Jessie Jackson, and Nikki Giovanni can lead us to the "Promised Land." True, history proves that many of our Civil Rights leaders were either killed or thrown behind bars for standing up for a divine cause, but they still marched on. We must step up out of the inferno created by our traumatic past in order to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I still marvel at the words of Professor Cornel West when he stated, "If you can control the minds of men, you can control their actions... our mind is the most powerful weapon we have... " Statistically speaking, how many of us are actually using our artillery to our advantage? Most of us will not pick up a book to even begin the process of equipping ourselves with the knowledge and wisdom that it takes to become successful. Instead of using the agony of our past to obtain the vigor necessary to become something other than what the world expects, Black people remain oppressed and controlled by our own misrepresented realities. Still today, we organize marches against police brutality and embark upon a revolution for social change. This amazes me, being that we have yet to stop and change our own actions. In fact, statistics of divorce, single parent homes, incarceration, teenage pregnancy, black on black crime, the spreading of AIDS/HIV epidemic, and high school dropouts, rank high among Black communities. As long as we remain angry about the deeds of others -- which by the way we cannot control -- we can never move on. Anger and force are conduits to frustration and resistance, which ultimately creates disease. The moment a prominent figure is in legal trouble or an innocent black man is gunned down for no apparent reason, an opportunist emerges to "save the day." Doesn't this contribute to the notion that we as a people need to be emancipated instead of being encouraged to become leaders and activists? It is through the empowerment of self that the resilience to avoid crippling mentalities is learned and practiced. Once we begin to change our paradigms and understand that freedom is the state of mind into which we were born, we can then begin to alter our behavior to that of affirmation and rehabilitation. We should turn our cheeks to the provocations imparted by a society that expects us to act antagonistically. We should look within for the peace we seek to obtain from others who don't have the power to give it in the first place. We should focus on finding answers and solutions to becoming a greater, mightier people. We should focus on gaining respect for ourselves rather than forcing outcomes from people who are less enthused about us rising out of poverty, lowering the percentages of incarceration and black on black crime and combating the AIDS/HIV epidemic. How can we expect others to respect us when we have very little respect for ourselves? Our focus should be education, entrepreneurship and the value of family and life, instead of trying to force America to give us something they obviously have no interest in parting with. In the words of the late great Gil Scott-Heron, "The revolution will not be televised!"

Lupe Fiasco's "Bitch Bad"

I would like to share my view on this video...

The first verse of Lupe Fiasco’s “Bitch Bad” begins with a little boy listening to his mother rap along to lyrics where she refers to herself as a “bad bitch.” Lupe’s latest single and its accompanying video examines the dualities surround

ing the word “bitch”; namely, it’s a word that can be viewed by some as damaging to women, yet also a word that is held up by some as a feminine ideal. In the video the video vixen has accepted the title of “bitch” as being something to be proud of, and an ideal that she attempts to live up to by rocking a pink wig, short shorts and removable breast enhancements. Little boys pack the theater seats to watch the faux gangster with his rolled blunt underneath a blue bandana accompanied by a gun to give credence to his street cred. The kids idolize him because he has a “bad bitch.” Only they are too adolescent to understand the way the entertainment they’re exposed to as kids may eventually shape their realities.
Young girls watch those same videos but instead emulate the video vixen. Now they’ve formed a perception that being a “bad bitch” is somehow good because the pretty woman gets the man with the flashy jewelry and money. Again, the young girls’ underdeveloped minds don’t understand the video vixen is a paid model, one that is being paid (albeit probably not very well) to perform. Filling the theater with impressionable children proves the point that the message is marketed to the youth, and they’re the ones that become adults with a warped perception of respect for themselves and each other.
This brings us to the final act of the story, where Lupe parallels modern day black entertainment to historical blackface, tap dancing and performances blacks once participated in for the enjoyment of white audiences, which reinforced negative stereotypes. A girl and a boy who were subjected to the “bad bitches” imagery as youth are all grown up. As a woman, she believes being a bad bitch is a compliment. As for him, well, he associates nothing good with bitches. In the background, caricatures of Sambo, blacks tap dancing and the video model/rapper in blackface plays repeatedly. The video vixen/rapper struggle with the images they’ve just presented to the world for money.
The allegory in the Gil Green directed video symbolizes new age minstrel shows. Beyond tackling the perception of bitch being good or bad, which is subjective, Lupe points out the ideal of black entertainers pimping themselves through reinforcing stereotypes all for a buck, or in this case, millions of bucks. One would have to understand history to comprehend what he did here. If you’ve seen Spike Lee’s Bamboozled, you’ll immediately recognize the similarities. Frankly, it’s probably one of the most important videos of the year. Because whether you consider “bitch” empowering or degrading, there is something to ponder on: What’s the message being ingrained in children, all for the sake of entertainment?

You watch and share your thoughts....

Ten Things Intelligent Black Men Love About Women Other Than Looks

Yes, ladies … black men are like other men in that we are simple creatures. We see with the eyes and are impacted by your physical being first. You were created in such a way as to be attractive to us.

But once we get past the initial physical attraction, there are attributes and intangibles that we cannot see with the naked eye — characteristics which are far more important — that help to create those lasting emotional bonds. Intelligent men discern these things in you and make it a priority to honor and protect it.

Here are the 10 things that smart black men love about and find attractive in women outside of your physical composition.

Confidence: They don’t need to proclaim it from center stage at Summer Jam. They don’t need to offer unsolicited criticism and judgments about what others are doing, what they’re wearing, or who they’re with. Confident people don’t snoop or question every opposite sex friend. Confident people embrace both their strengths and weaknesses. They’re concerned with controlling what’s in their power, not what’s outside of it. That’s sexy.

Intelligence: Intelligence is not just based on scholastic achievement. Being able to engage in a wide variety of conversations that don’t center on yourself is a very attractive quality and makes you seem worldly and concerned about others. That is sexy in and of itself.

Faith: Don’t let the small-minded fool you. Men are attracted to a woman who is grounded in spirituality and uses faith as a moral compass to guide her.

Inspiring: Women who are classy, optimistic and can inspire others are viewed like gold. Every encounter this reporter has had with the eminent Susan L. Taylor, who is a prime example, has left me awed and humbled.

Passion: Passion isn’t only infectious, it’s sexy. Men love hearing women speak passionately about the things and people they love (unless it’s about the ex they haven’t gotten over) and their dreams. Passion inspires.

Sense of Humor:  Women who lough the laugh, who possess sharp wit and can find humor in the most mundane or troubling of circumstances are, like the women who inspire, become the superstars of offices and are favorites of families and friends. This is an invaluable intangible that men find irresistible. 

Generosity: Want to attract a man and inspire love from him? Be the opposite of Kim Kardashian and be generous with your time, resources and efforts. This is tricky, however, because women must be discerning about who she is giving of herself to.

Nurturing: Offering kind words for no reason. Proving a compliment on the regular. Giving a back rub without being asked. Helping your man and others without having to receive credit. Building up the man when others question or impugn him. Trust and believe that a man will never forget it.

Voice: We love your voice, the textures, the inflections (when you’re not angry) and the the things you have to say and, best of all, the way you say it.

Purity: We love the wholesomeness that many sisters exhibit, along with the fact that many can discern redeemable qualities in even the most repellent people.

Stop Making Excuses For A Man And His Behavior!.

Having a nice little convo with my lilttle sis from the old hood so i decided to post this. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.


WOMAN HAVE TO STOP MAKING IT EASY FOR MALES I SAY MALES CAUSE MEN ALREADY KNOW THIS, and females dont care cause they following males so this is for the good Woman.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or has a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complementary... Not supplementary.
Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. I said DATING NOT SEX! 
When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need!

Black Men Expect Too Much From Black Women

I want to share my observation with Black women. I've come to the conclusion that some Black men expect far too much from Black women. Way more than they are willing to give themselves. This is not all men, but a lagre percent. The problem stems from the idea that Black women are expected to fill many roles. They are expected to be a homemaker, breadwinner, lover, counselor, be mentally advanced, but not so advanced that it makes men uncomfortable. They are also expected to understand men's needs and to be able to find an appropriate way of approching them about it without harming men's egos. All in a day's work right? Come on Fellas really? I guess it depends on the black man and what he is willing to give. Unfortunately there are Black men who feel a sense of undeserved entitlement. They that they should be able to do minimal and receive the maximum.

Most men do not think they have to be loyal, work hard in a relationship, give all of themselves to a woman or even share any real emotional connection with her. The funny thing is while they indulge in the feelings of being entitled they also are subject to the media/ slave mentality that convinces them that black women are subpar. Many men roll with it and this leads them to compare Black women to women of other races and place these other women on pedestals. When Black women do not measure up to men ideas of physical beauty or what they perceive a woman of worth should be it only pushes them away more, So not only do Black men enter into situations with women with unrealistic and sometimes self-centenerd expectations, Black men also have preconditioned judgments towards Black women VS women of other cultures.

What they do not understand is that it's a trick. Ideologies like these were put in place to futher tear the Black family unit apart. The idea that man should be able to give when he decides he wants to give but expect that his woman should come to him with open heart and mind only places more strain between Black men and women. Not to mention it is extremely self-centered and child like. This unbalanced relationship causes women to feel unappreciated and yearn for reciprocity. Once the need for reciprocity is not filled she becomes confused. Most women begin to think "what is it that she is doing wrong?" " why am I not good enough?" Then the ultimate emotions anger and resentment. Thinking that what she gave was obviously never good enough and she was never reciprocated and often deemed to be 2nd best. It becomes a vicious cycle for many.

I have no answer but this I do know. Possibly solving this would be that the level of self-centeredness from Black men has to decrease. Fellas you can not expect so much and give so little. We must put our egos at bay. 2nd, Black people as a whole allow media to influence how we interact with each other entirely too much. Some where down the line we have allowed what they deemed to be beautiful and precious to influence how we treat each other and our relationships with one another.
This is just my observation about an issue between Black men and women that is going on way too long at this rate will still exist long after I am gone if we don't get it together.